Tuesday, November 4, 2014

4 tips your future husband wants you to know

4 Tips Your Future Husband Wants You to Know

By: Kristen Clark

I love road trips. Especially road trips with super fun people like my husband, Zack, and my awesome siblings. Several weeks ago I ventured with those people on a road trip to my 3rd favorite state, Colorado (Texas and Alaska ranking higher, respectively).
The entire trip was great until the last leg on the way back home. Zack brought up a topic that instantly sparked some heated discussion between the five of us.
As the conversation progressed, sides began to form, leaving it 3 against 2. I ended up agreeing and siding with one other person (and it wasn’t Zack) as we unashamedly voiced our opinions. The conversation wasn’t ugly or mean, we just couldn’t seem to agree with the other side. Of course, I thought my view was better and I went way overboard on voicing that opinion.

We agreed to disagree.

The conversation finally ended with a mutual “we agree to disagree” kind of acknowledgment. Thankfully, my marriage is still intact and no sibling relationships were damaged that day.
Several days later, once we were home from the trip, Zack and I had a good heart-to-heart about that same conversation. As he shared his thoughts with me, my eyes were slowly opened to a very large blind spot in my life. Me… a blind spot – no way!
I carefully thought back on the entire road trip and realized that Zack was right in what he was saying.

It was a humbling moment for me.

My “blind spot discovery” isn’t something unusual or out of the ordinary. In fact, it’s so common that most people don’t even realize they have the problem, but it can do great damage to any relationship.
What is it? Simply this: Speaking critical words and having too many opinions.
Up until that point I viewed myself as an encouraging and positive kind of person. And I am – to most people. Sadly, the one person I love the most takes the brunt of my opinions and critiques. I’m not talking about voicing an opinion here and there about something important.

That wouldn’t be a problem.

I’m talking about constantly voicing an opinion about teeny-tiny little things that don’t really matter in the grand scheme of life. That is a problem.
The Holy Spirit began convicting me about the quantity and quality of the words coming out of my mouth. After doing some serious praying and heart searching, I came to the shocking conclusion that 80% of my “opinions and critiques” are completely unnecessary to say. That meant that 8 out of the 10 times I gave an opinion, it would have been better to keep those words in.
The next day I was talking to my dad and decided to spring a random question on him. I asked him what he thought was one of the most harmful things a wife could do to her marriage? His answer astounded me. He said, “The worst thing a wife can do in a marriage is to have a critical and opinionated spirit towards her husband.”

Did he read my mind?!

He had no idea about my personal discovery. I couldn’t believe it! If God was trying to get my attention, He just did.
I‘m sharing this story with you because I have a feeling I’m not the only girl who struggles with this problem.
Whether you’re a girl who talks a lot or not, I’m guessing you let things fly out of your mouth that would have been better left in. Girls, let me tell you – if you don’t zero in on this problem now, it’ll rear its ugly head even more when you get married. Trust me, it doesn’t go away.
As a single girl, you have the opportunity to practice guarding your mouth now and avoid becoming a critical wife someday. Imagine what a blessing it will be to your future husband to be married to a girl who understands the value of this!

A message from your future husband.

I want to leave you with four practical tips on what you can do now to become the woman of your future husband’s dreams. If your future husband could send you a message today, these 4 tips would probably be high on his list:
1. Choose quality words over quantity words. Less talking is usually better. “When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, But he who restrains his lips is wise” (Proverbs 10:19).
2. Speak encouraging words. Practice now. Tell your parents, siblings, or friends something encouraging everyday.
3. Develop a grateful heart. A grateful person doesn’t have time to be critical. When you’re tempted to say something critical – stop – and choose to say a word of gratitude instead.
4. Memorize Scripture and pray. This verse is a great place to start, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29).

Becoming an encouraging girl won’t happen by default. You have to work at it everyday.

Trust me! As a married girl I’m telling you – this is huge for the happiness of your future marriage. Your future husband will be so blessed to have a wife who knows the power and impact of her words. Start practicing these valuable skills today.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

you will never find mr. right

I'm not for the dating method, trying out people is not my idea of finding the "right one", but you already knew that. You try on shoes & shirts, but not people. I tend to agree with this post to a certain degree, but no method or opinion is perfect. God-led is the method we choose to follow here. Each beginning will be different, each circumstance God will put in our path will have to be examined prayerfully. God is in control of all, we merely have to trust & obey Him. Its not as complicated as everyone makes it out to be. Haters will hate any system with pride, we are fallen creatures, yes? Lets put God back on the throne & allow Him to lead us in a plain path. 

I do not agree with everything brought forth in the blog post I found below, but I like the idea of working on ourselves as a people & to let God do the rest. I however do not have any problem at all in having a higher standard for a life long mate, lists can be thrown out the window in my thinking, but some things you just cant fudge on even if the haters will tell you otherwise. After all, whether you are male or female, whom ever you choose for a mate is yours for life! So what do you think?

You will never find Mr. Right

Sometimes when I get on Facebook I just want to scream when I see the articles and posts people share on “5 things to look for in a guy,” or “5 people you should never settle for,” or “10 qualities to look for in your husband”… And if I had this blog 7 years ago when I was a freshman in college, I would have been the worst. My freshman year of college, I made a list of all the qualities, traits, characteristics I wanted to find in my future husband. And I came up with 63!!!!! Ummm hello, that’s a bit excessive. I wish I could go back and tell myself this…
When I started dating someone, I would pull out my list and start marking the qualities or traits he had, and then I would see how many he didn’t match up to. Then I would judge him. And the scariest part is that I even told some of the guys I dated that I did this and they didn’t run away from me over that!!!! Red flag right there. If a guy ever told me he had a list of 60 things I needed to match up to and he judged me based off of those things, I would run. Fast. Sizing up someone to a list that long is NOT found in the Bible. God did not tell me nor do I believe that he wanted me to do that.
Thankfully, I grew up and out of this phase and realized, not only is this impossible husband list not biblical, I should be completely turning my focus to something different. My focus should not be on what kind of man I am looking to marry, but what kind of woman I am  seeking to be FOR a man I want to marry.
You will NEVER find Mr. Right. You will NEVER find a man that completely, at all times, pursues your heart. You know why?! Because whoever you marry is going to be an IMPERFECT man.
I respect and love Jim more than any other man on this earth. But I know he is not close to being perfect. Honestly I haven’t sized him up to my list I made so many years ago. But I can tell you that he maybe would fulfill half of it. 50% is still a failing grade :-) I decided a few years ago that list meant nothing in my search for a husband because I made a decision that I was going to trust God alone for whoever he would lead me to marry.
Instead of focusing on what to look for in a man, I decided to focus on what kind of woman I could be for my husband. These are the areas I focused in on and still do actively today:
1. Mentally. I wanted to know what marriage is about and how I can honor Christ with my marriage before I even was dating someone seriously. I read so many books and really studied what God’s word had to say about marriage. My favorite book on marriage is Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller. Not only did I prepare myself mentally for marriage, but also for life by constantly learning, reading, and talking through with others on how to view the world and myself through the lens of the Bible and the culture we live in today.
2. Physically. God created our bodies to live, breathe, eat, and function healthily. He gave us our bodies, and we need to be responsible and take care of them! Not only is my body a temple of the Holy Spirit, but my mind and soul are in my physical body, so the healthier my physical body is, the healthier my mind and soul will be too. And not to ignore the obvious, but God made men very visually attracted to the female body. If you want to attract a man, take great care of your body!!! Eat plenty of veggies and go on a walk/run. I promise it will change your whole mood aside from your body being healthy!
3. Spiritually. This world is temporary. You were made for something much greater. Jesus made the greatest sacrifice for you, dying in your place, loving you unconditionally, so you could live with him in paradise forever. All he wants is a personal relationship with you. The more time you spend with him, in His Word, the more he will change you to be more like him, loving and serving others for His glory. The joy we find in living for Him is greater and more satisfying than anything else we could find in this world.
4. Socially. God wants you to enjoy life! Enjoy relationships and community. Find and grow with friends who you can laugh a lot with and will point you to Jesus in all things. The best place to find this is in the church. But always pursue friendships, some who you are similar to and some who you are very different from. Love others deeply and not only will you find a place of belonging, but you will learn more about God and yourself too.
So why did I tell you these four areas? Because the more you spend time on seeking to grow in these areas of your life, the more prepared you will be to love and honor the man who God gives you.
The bottom line is this. Seek to be a woman who loves and honors God in all parts of your life, especially if you want to marry a man who also loves and honors God. A man who follows God with his life wants a woman who follows God with her life.
And if you like making lists like I do, make a list of what kind of woman you want to be. Study the Bible and find the specific qualities of who God wants you to be and pray that he makes you more like that. Colossians is a great place to start.
I only wanted to share this because I learned the hard way. When I was dating in college, I was more concerned of who the guy was than who I was.
I am not close to perfect, and neither is Jim, but we both know we want to be more like Christ in all things, so we can walk through this journey together as we pray together and push each other to keep fighting to be more like Him.
I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:14

Monday, October 27, 2014

the 50's way to welcome a man when he comes home from work *how to be a perfect wife*

Wow, times surely have changed! Just how much you ask? Read on..... fun & oh, for sure something to ponder :)


    Fifties corporate man in the Grey Flannel Suit

    How to be the Perfect Wife.

    This was taken from Helen B. Andelin's Fascinating Womanhood, published by Pacific Press in 1965. The course was designed to teach women how to be happy in marriage.

    Plan your tasks with an eye on the clock. Finish or interrupt them an hour before he is expected. Your anguished cry, "Are you home already?" is not exactly a warm welcome.

    Plan ahead, even the night before to have a delicious meal, on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.

    Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. This will also make you happy to see him instead of too tired to care. Turn off the worry and be glad to be alive and grateful for the man who is going to walk in. While you are resting you can be thinking about your Fascinating Womanhood assignment and all you can do to make him happy and give his spirits a lift. When you arise, take care of your appearance. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

    Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. in a bucket or wastebasket and put them in the back bedroom for sorting later. Then run a dustcloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order and it will give you a lift too. Having the house in order is another way of letting him know that you care and have planned for this homecoming.

    Take just a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small) comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them look the part.

    Especially give heed to this if your husband has to join rush hour traffic. At the time of his arrival eliminate noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet at the time of their father's arrival. Let them be a little noisy beforehand to get it out of their system.

    Greet him with a warm smile and act glad to see him. Tell him that it is good to have him home. This may make his day worthwhile. If there is any romance left in you, he needs it now.

    • Don't greet him with problems and complaints. Solve the problems you can before he gets home and save those you must discuss with him until later in the evening.
    • Also, don't complain if he is late for dinner. Count this as a minor problem when compared with what he might have gone through that day.
    • Don't allow the children to rush at him with problems or requests. Allow them to briefly greet their father but save demands for later.

    Have him lean back into a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to massage his neck and shoulders and take off his shoes. Don't insist on this however. Turn on music if it is one of his pleasures. Speak in a soft, soothing, pleasant voice. Allow him to relax - to unwind.

    You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first, then he will be a more responsive listener later.

    Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and to relax. If he is cross or irritable, never fight back. Again, try to understand his world of strain.

    Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. Then add to this the application of all the principles of Fascinating Womanhood and your husband will want to come home. He will rather be with you than with anyone else in the world and will spend whatever time he can possibly spare with you. Try living all of these rules for his homecoming and see what happens. This is the way to bring a man home to your side, not by pressure, persuasion or moral obligation.